Remember why you got together in the first place. It can be very easy, when things are getting tough, to rewrite the history of the times you spent together. “He never loved me, she never cared”. Life is more nuanced than that and when we are trying to protect ourselves from hurt, we often struggle with integrating the idea that “this is both a person that I love and this is someone that hurt me deeply”. In order to be able to deal with the cognitive dissonance (or holding two competing views in your mind at one time”, our reptilian brain takes over and has us view our partner as a threat. For example, I don’t care what kind of snake it is, a snake is a danger to me. You can dress it up in a halloween costume, remove the fangs, heck it could even be dead and I will always view a snake as a threat. I have no love or warm and fuzzy feelings for it. I don’t even like snake-skin boots. My brain has identified snakes and anything snake like as a threat and it would take a very special circumstance for me to change that. Perhaps if I talked to a person who worked with snakes and they helped me appreciate their beauty, I might have a change of heart. In seeing how much they love snakes, I might grow to love their appreciate of them and it may become my own. This process would be much more difficult if I had been bitten by a snake as a child, however. Think back to the “snake-bite” in your relationship. Maybe it was infidelity, maybe it was a raised voice, a criticism said in anger, or even a secret you can’t un-know. Something happened to where you might view your partner as a threat, my job is to help you no longer feel threatened. I love relationships, I know the potential for transformative healing that they can create and if you are both all in, I can help you recreate and remember why you got together in the first place.